Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
