She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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