Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
