I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
