guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
