Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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