did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
this boner is exhausting
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize