we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Randomize
