I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Randomize
