Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
