these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
