when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
My vagina just recognized that song.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Randomize
