U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
