We're facebook friends in real life
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
