I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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