How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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