I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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