Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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