Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
