If that was your dad, he is hot
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
i love accidental penises.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
