Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
