my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
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