make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
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