You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Randomize
