On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
