If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
