i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize