yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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