omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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