before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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