genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Randomize