Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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