oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Randomize
