No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
