I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
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