I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
