K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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