You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Randomize
