I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Randomize
