I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
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