You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Fuck me I smell like cheese
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
