I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Randomize
