he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
My ATM looks so different sober.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
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