Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
