I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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