is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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