I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
