6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
don't judge my taste in strippers
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Randomize