Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
