I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
