A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
