6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
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