im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
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