i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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