I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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