Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize