did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
