You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
