apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
