I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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