Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
