I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
