Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
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