I could make wine with my vomit
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
