Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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