take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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