He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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