I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
