Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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