Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
