she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
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