Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
