She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
the day after is always just damage control
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Randomize
