how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Randomize
