Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
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