I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
