Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
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