I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
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