Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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