Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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