I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
