I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
