I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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