I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
