Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
