Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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