I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
