As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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