I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
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