So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
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