i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
ugly people sure do ruin things
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Randomize