i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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