In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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