no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
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