u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
