just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I didn't notice because vodka
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Randomize
