I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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