Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
