I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
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