I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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