i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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