A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
