dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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