I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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