do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
