Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Randomize
