i need an iv and a liver transplant
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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