Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
