you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Randomize
