And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
