That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
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