If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Randomize
