Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
